Choosing to join me at the 'mounting block' to connect and receive a back scratch. It's clearly a place she feels good about.

Throughout our time together, finding a connection has been a priority for me with Sky, and I've been trying to pay attention to her energy, nervous system responses, expression and general feeling of being with me and learning the skills we've been building. The groundwork and walking in hand has been fantastic to establish our partnership, and for her to hopefully feel that I am someone she can trust. However, I am keen to deepen this connection beyond her 'respecting' me as her teacher. I want to have a horse who knows I am attuned to her so she feels she is, as Warwick Schiller describes 'being seen, being heard, feeling felt and getting gotten'. This level of paying attend fosters a deep connection. 

This resonates with me as someone who also works in human psychology and behaviour change, and as a Motivational Interviewing trainer, as unconditional positive regard (as Carl Rogers termed this sense of non judgmental acceptance) and the skill of accurate empathy are cornerstones to a helpful relationship in which growth and change can occur (Miller & Rollnick).

So I'm diving in. Reading, absorbing, practising. Ray Hunt apparently said that 'horses know when you know, and know when you don't know' i.e. they are totally tuned into us, and know it we are paying attention to them. So, I want to know! So I'm recognising more and more of the nuance, the smaller behaviours and expressions, and feel I'm heading deeper into this world of attunement as I do this.

We've also been playing with choice-based liberty connection work to support this. Sky spends plenty of time responding to my cues while in her halter in 'training' mode, so the choice-based liberty time complements this by taking my agenda out of the picture for a while. Inspired by my friend who has studied with Karine Vandenborre (Horsefulness Training), we've been doing this in the arena for short periods usually at the end of a focused learning time. I take her halter off, and release her. I don't try to draw her, or drive her, but simply give her choice to be a horse and move around (or stand by the gate) then there are different 'games' that can be played.  I can, for example approach her, and if she invities me in to her space willingly, I'll give her a scratch. then I retreat by walking away with purpose ('groom and go'), and she might follow me if she's feeling ready to. And she might not. And that's OK, it's her choice. There's lots of nuance to these 'games' but overall, Sky is now choosing to walk with me more, and we seem to be communicating more clearly. She'll even choose to come and join me at the mounting block if I stand up there (even if I don't cue her) so this is clearly a positive place for her. For more on this approach, check out Karine's website.